parabola drawn by the coin that dances in midair
can finally breathe in the scent of vacation.
yet,i still could not feel the emotional baggage
extenuate,my heart is still not at peace.
it's again one of the nights which everything's fuckedup.
it's again one of the nights when everything's all messedup.
it's again one of the nights when the word despair is the
understatement.
it's again one of the nights when the pain becomes unbearable.
it's again one of the nights when things had changed
& you let someone down.
it again felt like a deadly venom finishing you off slowly.
the thought is spinnin at the back of my head
like a never ending cycle.
who am i ,really?
xoxo
thatdaythegirl♥ 8:44:00 PM
in the forever repeating cinema of misery
im still up at this hour unable to sleep,
but nevermind.at least i can blog to pass time.
in the midst of studyin Chemistry earlier,
the week's mess of thoughts have left me with
a throbbing head.
no matter how broken i feel every time it just
slids by,i won't stall. i remember someone saying
about 'willpower'.i guess that's what i need.
it was close to crushing today.i feel weighted down
by the enormity of my feelings.i need this to just
all go away. i thought it would. But it's still in me.
the thought that my life might be terribly mundane
& loaded with bittersweet regrets never fails to pop up
every now and then.
the thought that time would stop moving for me
created a scream at the back of my throat & terror
branded on my heart.
the thoughts are indeed like some kind of dark shadow
curtained over my life. im trying really hard not to
let it affect me so much.
& i do not know how long am i able to sustain.
for now,i will remain as a rock in certain people's lives.
thatdaythegirl♥ 3:52:00 AM
a night beneath the stars.
every single night since thursday i never fail
to entertain that thought for a couple of minutes
& apparently it's feasting on my energy & focus.
people who nvr seen me for weeks
gave me words of encouragement which
i long to hear for & i had a talk with mom.
she noticed i hadnt been myself of late &
ive been keepin more things to myself than usual.
i knew she's awfully worried for me & yet
i cant do anything to ease her worries.
i just have to let her down again.
her words gave me hope for a few seconds,
yet it would never last for more than a day.
when i babysitted the toddlers hours ago,
it was different.it was a warm feeling which
i never felt before.
& when i was lookin at the youngest infant who
was barely even five months ol,his tiny fingers
held onto mine,at that moment it felt as thou
all my questions were being answered.
i knew i was deluding myself and there was no
way things would be okay.
disaster.destruction.delusion.dilemma.
my insomnia is kickin in & someday,
my gastric is going to take my life.
xoxo
thatdaythegirl♥ 1:26:00 AM
When my world wakes up today you’ll be in another town.
went to catch Jennifer's body & it's e second movie
that really sucks.though AdamBrody is inside & movie
effects is commendable,but the ending is fking stupid.
anyway,2012 is next.
im going for babysittin later,ought to bring some cds
to keep the 3toddlers & a baby busy later.
& im in deep mess.why did i land myself in such a predicament?
im in dilemma. jeez,i need a meeting with a fireman.
someone get me out of this imbroglio.i am mere filigree.
snap me back.
things will not be the same.it ll not flow into a nice heat transition.
ah crap,im thinking abt River Phoenix again.
xoxo
thatdaythegirl♥ 5:09:00 PM
it's like a million little stars spelling out your name
went Orchard in mid-afternoon to catch a movie
with Zinc,endedup watchin Pandorum & it sucks,
not countin the sound effect & sudden movements.
cant wait for new moon & 2012!
going to catch another movie with Zinc this weekend,
& hopefully zinc doesnt do something out of norm again!
OPM aka Operation Panic Mode is off permanently(:
& ive no friggin idea wad to do for the next couple of days,
i hope i wont be bored to tears.
the thoughts of Os outcome shall be put aside for now,i guess.
my pillow's calling me.
xoxo
thatdaythegirl♥ 10:25:00 PM
12.09.92.
